Question:
I've been single for a couple of years and not dated in many many years. Not to sound conceited, but I do have a lot going for me and would love to be asked out on a date. I'm not looking for a lifetime commitment or anything, it would just be nice to have someone to do fun things with. I have great fun and loving friends who I spend time with and I have an active and full life - but it's not the same as having a special someone in my life. Know what I mean?
Friends sometimes tell me I am unapproachable or "intimidating." Others say, "you have to put yourself out there". And the third most popular response... "just wait, your time will come"
I'm willing to be patient and have faith, but I've heard you say more than once that we're meant to walk two by two.
What should I do? Hang out and have faith that everything is as it should be? Or push the envelope and join some on line dating site or something (eee gads!) What's your advice?
Also - I know... be careful what I wish for, right? Maybe my already not-so-simple life is enough and I'm destined to be on my own.
Response:
Dearest Reader:
If you are putting out as many mixed messages to the Universe as you have in your question, then you must first untangle some things.
Let's start at the end; about being careful for what you wish for. What DO you wish for? Would just doing things with someone in a no-commitment relationship be SO complicated?
Maybe you are really wishing for something a little deeper; for real love. It's OKAY to want real, deep, full, committed LOVE.
As Shri Shellyji has said, "two strongly together is as four against the world."
If you are sure it's just going out and having fun, then maybe YOU could do the asking. I'm guessing since you seem to think you should be waiting on someone to ask that you are female; let go of those old courting rules. If you find someone interesting, invite them to do something fun.
Are you doing what you love to do? Or waiting for someone to do it with? There's a great quote called the Holstee Manifesto check it out here: http://shop.holstee.com/pages/manifesto.
You indicate that friends say you are unapproachable or intimidating; and you seem to list it as the main thing people tell you when you ask why you don't think you are getting asked out on dates. This requires some self-study. When you think of the things that you DO having going for you, how could you possibly use those attributes to make yourself more approachable?
Do you have walls up around yourself that you are unaware of? You've been single for a couples years; was that your choice? Have you done the inner work necessary in those years to heal the old wounds and prepare your heart for a new relationship?
To come together with another we must first be complete within ourselves. Have you been journaling? Look back; review; we call it Tarka in Kriya Yoga. What are the patterns in old relationships? In current relationships? In your relationship with yourself? Are you looking for a companion or simply to fill a hole in your soul that really only you can fill?
What's your relationship with the Universe? You can't really turn things over if you don't trust God/Goddess; but remember that it's not total surrender. Only the dead fish goes with the flow. Sometimes you need to swim like hell.
If you truly have been doing what you love to do; telling friends you'd like to date and putting it out there; and you feel you are emotionally ready for meeting new people and creating a healthy relationship; then sure, why NOT a dating website?
I have a relative who met their great love through an internet dating site; she likes to say she went "shopping" for him; and they are wonderful together. I know other people who use it just to meet people, have coffee and talk; nothing further, no interest in taking it into the relationship zone. Get clear on why you do what you do whenever you do it; it's called intention and it changes EVERYTHING.
In the meantime; live your life. Work on yourself. Wholeness attracts wholeness; wounded people attract wounded people. Make sure you are sending out the vibration you wish to bring in.
Blessings,
Jill
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